My biggest piece of advice

I’ve dealt with a lot of crap throughout my 18 years of living. Funny, I thought it would be a breeze till I reached “adulthood”. Clearly I was wrong. Cancer, Illness, disappointment, depression, death, and lots of other super fun things filled my years. But I mean everyone has a battle right? So what do we do with this crap we call life?

We find a reason to live. For me this was found in my worth in Jesus Christ. If you know me you know that I believe this wholeheartedly. I know many people are cautious about Jesus or don’t really know what it looks like to have a relationship with Him. They go to church and check it off their to do list then move on with their lives. But I’m writing this to tell you (all 5 of my followers) that there’s something more out there. Life sucks, I’m never going to say it doesn’t. BUT life with the Lord is good and filled with joy amidst tough times.

Knowing the Lord has brought me immesausurable peace and joy in my hardest times. I struggled very hard with these things before I really pursed Jesus. I would take out my bitterness on my family. My freshman year I was tired of my friends, I was tired of my life, and I was angry and mean to anyone who got close to me. I built a barrier up between people because I didn’t want to get too close to someone who would just leave me again. But I began going to church more and more that year. I found community with a strong group of girls who helped me knock down my walls. I found what it looked like to pursue the Lord fully.

Then life hit me like a ton of bricks my junior year. This is something many people don’t understand. They assume once you’re a believer your life will be smooth sailing. THE STORMS NEVER STOP, PEOPLE. No matter what, life will always be hard because it is swarmed with sin. Every believer still struggles. But the Lord equips them with strength they would never have on their own. I faced some grueling things I would never wish upon someone else. However, I’m thankful for my trials because they taught me what it truly looked like to depend on the Lord for everything. This is what I want for everyone I know. I want them to know how much Jesus loves us. How much he cares for us. And that He isn’t just some foolish myth of lovey dovey mush. He is real. He is alive. And he is GOOD.

So my advice is to seek the Lord if you aren’t already. And if you are, never stop. He brought me through some incredibly difficult things and I know I’m not the only high schooler, or human in general, going through rough times. The only way I survived, literally, was because of Jesus Christ. So I hope you find that one day. Because he truly is the only reason to live.

Workzy

I believe the English language has way to many words. Compared to other languages ours is ridiculously difficult. However, if I could add more to the chaos I would add a word to describe the state of being extremely lazy but also being a hard worker. As a senior this describes my life. This state is such a rough thing to be in and there really isn’t a good way to describe it. The best way I can try to portray this feeling is when you’re at school or work and you know deep down you want to do well because you need good grades to get into college, or you don’t want to get fired. BUT you are so exhausted from the work load that you hit a wall of laziness. You don’t want to do anything but you want to do it all (“all” being the things you are supposed to do) to the best of your ability. It’s truly a struggle and the definition of an internal battle.
This would be used to describe every senior. We all hit the point of not caring at all yet caring so much about our grades. We say screw it but then spend the next 4 hours studying. It’s horrible and there is never a word to describe this feeling of torture within yourself. It’s really a struggle between throwing your education or job out the window because “you just can’t” anymore, or doing everything you don’t want to do. This word is Workzy. Working hard but being lazy. It’s simple. Just observe a senior thinking about what homework they’re going to (or not going to) do.

Art snapshot

This post is about the painting “The Boat Studio” by Claude Monet. This painting is the image of a boat sitting in the water. The colors used promote the mood of peace and stillness. There is a man painted who is sitting in the boat. This blog post is my interpretation of this man and this boat’s story.
It was a calm Saturday morning in mid September. The work week had been long and difficult for Ben. He had lost many of his patients in surgery and the pain of death had stuck with him through every night. He didn’t sleep. He didn’t eat. He just kept performing surgeries praying that he would have a good outcome to turn his week around. By Friday, he was worn out. He wanted to escape and find some place where he could just breathe and focus on the good things in life. This is when he remembered the old boat he used to play in when he was little. That Friday night he bought a plane ticket and flew to his hometown in Georgia. His town was quiet, peaceful, and nothing like Seattle where he had just came from. Ben was already excited to stay in the tiny spare bedroom in his parent’s house to escape from his horrible week.

Ben fell asleep quickly after his mom fed him a large meal to celebrate his surprise visit. The next morning he woke up at the crack of dawn and headed out to the river. Ben found his boat exactly as he had remembered it. Small, quaint, and the perfect escape. He headed out onto the water and embraced nature’s sounds. He was finally at peace as he stared at the water slowly trickling under the boat. Soon the lull of the boat put him to sleep. This painting is an image of this very moment. Ben is sleeping while floating through his childhood river. All the pain of aludthood and death faded away with the shadows as the sun came up. The world was still and it healed Ben’s hurting heart. This is the story of the boat studio. 

 

Train Station

Finish the story: You’re in a train station. A train arrives, but it’s not the one you’re waiting for. As you watch a few people come and go, you notice a strange scene in the last car of the train. Only two people are inside–a young man and an older woman. They appear to be having a very animated discussion. The young man is clutching a large box to his chest. The woman is wearing a bizarre hat and holding a large map, which she continues to turn this way and that….

 

It was 1968 when Linda and Jerry were married on a hillside farm in Georgia. Linda was Jerry’s whole world, they did everything together. These two were a power couple in their town. Everyone knew their names as they traveled all across the nation spreading their love of each other and other people. They were kind, they were patient, and they remembered every single person they ever met. One day they got the great news that they were pregnant and expecting a son. A couple months later Linda gave birth to her son Matthew. Matthew was a bright young boy who loved his father deeply. The boys were a sight to see when they were together. As years passed this small family had created bonds with people all across America. They were missionaries who loved the Lord and wanted people to love Him as well. One day they were in the car driving to California. There was a massive hail storm but Jerry insisted they push through and continue driving so they wouldn’t be behind schedule. They hit an 18 wheeler dead on and Jerry died on impact. Thankfully Matthew and Linda walked away without a scratch. However, their little family was never the same again. About a week later Linda was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease which quickly took over her brain. Linda couldn’t remember her own son’s name within a couple of weeks. Matthew was frustrated because his parents were so suddenly ripped away from him.

Fast forward to the train station, Linda and Matthew are on their way to the spot in California they were supposed to be the night Jerry died. They wanted to spread his ashes all over the coast where there revival was supposed to occur, so that Jerry’s work would be completed.  Matthew held the box of his father’s remains tightly because he was fearful he would lose him again before the proper time. Linda, confused as always, could not understand where they were and she desperately checked the map to try to figure out where she was. Matthew was getting extremely frustrated with his mom’s lack of understanding in such a precious time for him. They were always arguing and Matthew was continuously having to remind Linda who he was and what they were doing.

As I stood watching this, I recognized Linda and Matthew from a revival I had been to in New York. These were the members of the power family that had led my sister to repentance and ultimately her salvation. I wanted to thank them so I walked onto their train, even though it wasn’t the one I intended to be on. I very quickly realized they were in a heated argument so I began to change my course of direction when I heard my name. Matthew recognized me. He was excited for an opportunity to get away from his mom for a second so he came running after me. He explained what was happening and I gave him my sympathy because I was completely unaware of Jerry and Linda’s situations. Matthew asked me if I wanted to come with them. I was caught completely off guard but I felt as if I was supposed to get on that train with them. I was intending to be back in New York that weekend for a job interview at a hospital for a nursing position but I told him I was free and followed him back onto the train with his mother. I sat with Linda and calmed her down. My great grandmother had Alzheimer’s so I was very accustomed to the patience necessary. I noticed Matthew watching me in awe. We had only talked a short while at the revival all those years ago but I felt something stir within me when I saw the way he looked at me. We talked for hours, the three of us, on our way to California. Once there, I held Linda’s hand as Matthew spread the ashes of their beloved father and husband. It was the peaceful moment he had dreamed it would be and he said it was all because of me and my help with Linda. I told him it was the least I could do since she saved my sister’s soul. We began dating shortly after this trip. I moved to live with Linda and be her personal nurse, so I saw Matthew a lot. By the end of that year we were engaged to be married. I fell in love with him and couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. Matthew, Linda, and I became the power family they used to be with Jerry. All because that one day in the train station.

Blogs

Many seniors in my class have stopped doing the required blogs every week. Our teachers assume it’s because we are lazy or want to commit “grade suicide”. The lazy point is valid because to an extent we are…however, I don’t know of any AP students who would voluntarily drop their grades without good reason.
We started these blogs our junior year with simple prompts. The idea was that these blogs would get us used to writing, to find our voice in the world. We’ve all written a million essays revolving around books we were forced to read. So we are all burned out on writing because it has been the exact same stressful format for years. When the blogs first began we were excited for a grade that came from us writing what was on our minds. We wrote about hard trails we had faced or music that inspired us. We were writing about things that interested us and it made our writing so much better. We found our voice.

But then our voice was strangled yet again. Our blog assignments started to shift from meaningful prompts to literary analysis. (Like we didn’t do enough of that already in class) Our blogs became more English assignments that encouraged us to follow a strict format to get the good grades. Our voice was forced back down our throats as we fell back into the rut of writing about things that had nothing to do with our lives. And strangely, the decrease in participants followed the increase in literary analysis prompts. Nobody wanted to write anymore.

Seniors in any school always develop “senioritis”. But this wasn’t the typical case. Majority of us were annoyed and frustrated with the “fun” blog posts we were forced to do every week. We absolutely love our teachers and we don’t mean to disobey them in a disrespectful way. But once we hit a certain point, we even lost our interest in the overall well being of our grades. We sacrificed our good grades to make the point that these blogs aren’t what they were intended to be. So we shut down our pages, locked up our voices, lost our interest, and watched our grades suffer.

Hamlet and Women

For this blog post we were assigned to choose from a list of questions given to us after reading Hamlet. My discussion question for class was centered around suicide; did hamlet failing to commit suicide cause the downfall of the royal family, did Ophelia commit suicide, how does society view suicide, etc. This time we were given a choice for a second question. I decided to focus on the question that held my attention the most during the panels. The question revolves around the idea of women in Hamlet and what Shakespeare is trying to say about society through their roles. At first, my automatic response was to say that Shakespeare makes women seem weak and ignorant in Hamlet. In act one Ophelia is seen speaking with her father, or rather listening to her father, about her relationship with Hamlet. Ophelia basically asks her father what she should think about Hamlet (I.iii.592). This interaction, along with the others where Ophelia is mentioned blindly following her dad, make me really frustrated with Shakespeare because it seems like he is showing how inferior women are to men. Likewise, Gertrude follows the same pattern with her interaction with Claudius. Gertrude is quick to agree with her new husband and she does not question his actions towards Hamlet (II.ii.1119-1122). Both women are treated like they cannot make a decision on their own. The men treat them like they are completely ignorant towards the issues in comparison to them. And on top of all of that, Gertrude and Ophelia are obedient towards the stupidity of the men in their lives which makes them seem even more weak. Like I said at the beginning of this paragraph, I was annoyed with Shakespeare’s representation of women.

However, the more I looked into it the more I realized Shakespeare’s true intentions. He never intended for his point to come across that he was in favor of sexism or that women were meant to be inferior. It’s actually quite the contrary. Shakespeare shows how society treats women to prove that it is wrong. The women in the play have very few lines and are honestly not even necessary to move the plot forward. So why does Shakespeare even include them? He wants to prove a point. He wants to show that if you leave the plans in the hands of the men eventually it will all crash and burn. (At least that’s how I like to think of it) The women blindly follow the lead of their fathers/husbands and it ultimately leads to the dooming fate for both of them. Tying it back into my original question about suicide, both of these women are possible suicide victims. Although, it is not necessarily proven that they commit suicide it is definitely a high possibility. The first time the women think on their own is when Ophelia and Gertrude take their lives. Ophelia is so overwhelmed by her life and losing her father that she drowns in a river. Gertrude is watching her husband try to murder her son and she grabs the poison and drinks it to end her pain. The women are surrounded by men who try to control their every move for the benefit of their own lives. Eventually the women get fed up with it and escape the world altogether. I think this is a very interesting point in the play. Shakespeare includes the women to show the contrast in ways of thinking between the sexes. The men are irrational and act on impulse whereas the women are obedient but thoughtful. Society believes women are ignorant and are solely there for the benefit of the men. In Hamlet, Shakespeare very clearly portrays that idea using Gertrude and Ophelia. However, I think Shakespeare himself is a feminist. I think he included them to show how lost the world would be if women continued to be treated as inferiors.

Shakespeare tends to lead the reader towards false truths the first time reading, especially if you read the text too fast. But, once you take the time to stop and think about his intentions in every detail you realize just how deep Shakespeare’s plays really are. He creates a philosophy of life that nobody can technically prove was his real intention(because sadly he is dead) But if the reader tries their best to read from his point of view you can pick up on details Shakespeare includes as hints towards his true feelings about the issue. Shakespeare states that women are strong and necessary in the world, and I would not have told you that after my first time reading through Hamlet. The lack of women’s necessity in the play emphasize their necessity in real society.

A Simply Complex Painting

This week we were asked to analyze the painting Number 1A by Jackson Pollock. At first glance this painting looks like something I created in kindergarten. It’s a bunch of squiggles in a bunch of colors just thrown at the canvas. But after looking at it closely I began to change my opinion. This painting seems to have a lot of colors in it but the two main ones are white and black. For me this demonstrated the world. The world is bright and colorful but is overtaken by the battle of good and evil. This painting has many different paths of color and the colors overlap. This translated to me as a depiction of all of our lives intermingled. Some moments are colorful and then suddenly change to black or white. The black is fighting for coverage against the white and that perfectly describes the battle of darkness and light. The goodness in the world is trying to fight to maintain presence in our lives as darkness is swallowing people whole. The colors and chaos show the mess of the world and the lives we live. The mass size of the painting which I believe was 6 ft by 9 ft is incredible. That adds even more imensity to this idea of the painting portraying life. Seeing this in person would be absolutely breathtaking. I’m positive I would end up staying in front of this single painting for hours. I’m honestly very interested in putting seeing this painting on my bucket list. I think it’s stunning and masterfully created because it seems so simple and yet holds so much depth.

Our second part of this blog was to comment on the poem “Number 1 by Jackson Pollock (1948)” by Nancy Sullivan. In this poem Nancy states the simplicity of this painting. She describes it as a maze and nothing but paint. She sees the simple lines as a masterpiece within itself. She doesn’t assume he had a point to it and she thinks even if he did nobody could ever know what it was. She tries to explain its ordinarary look by describing how it doesn’t even have a name. It’s just a number. She makes us think that the simplicity creates various wonders individualized to each viewer. I see exactly what she is saying because I feel like this painting can impact everyone on some level. However it means something completely different to everyone who sees it. I think that’s what makes this painting so wonderful. It’s simply complex.

Hamlet and the Ghost

This painting was painted by Henry Fuseli in 1789. This scene portrays the scene in Act I scene IV where Hamlet and his friends see the ghost of King Hamlet. Fuseli painted this to be displayed in Boydell’s Shakespeare Gallery which opened in London in 1789. The painting represents the fearful interaction when the Ghost tries to summon Hamlet which is described in the following passage.

HORATIO

Look, my lord, it comes!
Enter Ghost

HAMLET

Angels and ministers of grace defend us!
Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn’d,
Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,
Be thy intents wicked or charitable,
Thou comest in such a questionable shape
That I will speak to thee: I’ll call thee Hamlet,
King, father, royal Dane: O, answer me!
Let me not burst in ignorance; but tell
Why thy canonized bones, hearsed in death,
Have burst their cerements; why the sepulchre,
Wherein we saw thee quietly inurn’d,
Hath oped his ponderous and marble jaws,
To cast thee up again. What may this mean,
That thou, dead corse, again in complete steel
Revisit’st thus the glimpses of the moon,
Making night hideous; and we fools of nature
So horridly to shake our disposition
With thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls?
Say, why is this? wherefore? what should we do?
Ghost beckons HAMLET

HORATIO

It beckons you to go away with it,
As if it some impartment did desire
To you alone.

MARCELLUS

Look, with what courteous action
It waves you to a more removed ground:
But do not go with it.

HORATIO

No, by no means.

HAMLET

It will not speak; then I will follow it.

HORATIO

Do not, my lord.

HAMLET

Why, what should be the fear?
I do not set my life in a pin’s fee;
And for my soul, what can it do to that,
Being a thing immortal as itself?
It waves me forth again: I’ll follow it.

HORATIO

What if it tempt you toward the flood, my lord,
Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff
That beetles o’er his base into the sea,
And there assume some other horrible form,
Which might deprive your sovereignty of reason
And draw you into madness? think of it:
The very place puts toys of desperation,
Without more motive, into every brain
That looks so many fathoms to the sea
And hears it roar beneath.

HAMLET

It waves me still.
Go on; I’ll follow thee.

MARCELLUS

You shall not go, my lord.

HAMLET

Hold off your hands.

HORATIO

Be ruled; you shall not go.

HAMLET

My fate cries out,
And makes each petty artery in this body
As hardy as the Nemean lion’s nerve.
Still am I call’d. Unhand me, gentlemen.
By heaven, I’ll make a ghost of him that lets me!
I say, away! Go on; I’ll follow thee.

Exeunt Ghost and HAMLET

The painting portrays the ghost of Hamlet to be very strong and dressed in armor. The light coming from behind him makes the scene super eerie which is how it is in the play. The artist also wraps all of the men together into this one amoeba like shape. Hamlet’s body language shows his yearning to go after the ghost to see where the king is pointing. The other men however are wrapped around Hamlet as if Fuseli is trying to show their fear of Hamlet going after the ghost. The artwork captures the interest of Hamlet, the strength of King Hamlet, and the fear of Horatio and Marcellus. The way Fuseli paints their bodies shows the emotions perfectly. Every man has a different stance to represent the words that are in the play.

Natalie Cole

This week we were asked to honor some talented musicians who have passed away. One I knew the music of but didn’t recognize the name was Natalie Cole. Her music has been used in rom-coms multiple times. The happy lovey feel of her music is so much fun to listen to. The song I chose is This Will Be. This song was released in 1975 by Capitol Records on the Inseparable Album and became her first gold-certified album. Along with that, this song went on to earn her a number one hit title. This Will Be and the album Inseparable earned Natalie two well deserved Grammy’s including Best New Artist.

I chose this song because I recognized it immediately. This song is used in so many movies and is clearly adored by everyone because of it. The song is upbeat and her vocals are extraordinarily beautiful giving the song a magical feel. Many movies including Bride Wars, A Cinderella Story, The Parent Trap, and many more chose to use this song in their soundtracks. It is such a happy depiction of what truly being in love feels like. Natalie’s voice makes the audience momentarily feel the joy and giddiness of love. I know that even though she is no longer here, her songs will carry on for a long time. She has already made such an impact in the musical world and I have no doubt her music will stay an icon of love and R&B music.

Oooh…..

This will be an everlasting love
This will be the one I’ve waited for
This will be the first time anyone has loved me.

I’m so glad you found me in time
And I’m so glad that you recrefied my mind
This will be an everlasting love for me

Loving you is some kind of wonderful
Because you showed me just how much you care
You’ve given me the thrill of a lifetime
And made me believe you’ve got more thrills to spare, oh!

This will be an everlasting love
Oh, yes it will now!

You brought a lot of a sunshine in to my life
You filled me with happiness I never knew
You gave me more joy then I ever dreamed of
And no one, no one can take the place of you

This will be,
you and me,
yes sir-ee
eternally
Hugging and squeezing, and kissing and pleasing,
Together forever throughever whatever.
Yeah yeah yeah you and me

So long as I’m living true love I’ll be giving
To you I’ll be serving cause you’re so deserving
Hey, you’re so deserving, you’re so deserving
yeah yeah yeah Whoooaaah
Love [x18]

Inside Out

A recent children’s movie, Inside Out, made its way into theatres and into people’s hearts across America. The film quickly gained popularity and the silly characters started spreading onto merchandise everywhere. Joy, voiced by Amy Poehler, and Sadness, Phyliss Smith, are the two main emotions that carry the story. This movie takes a look at what happens in people’s minds and how their emotions work together. The child that these emotions live in is their beloved Riley, Kaitlyn Dias. As the story begins Riley is a young newborn baby and the emotions are created one by one. They begin to get into a groove of how to handle Riley’s life. Joy is the main one in charge and the hilarious antics of the others creates an enjoyable scene. The plot twists once Riley’s parents, with emotions of their own, decide to move to San Francisco. Riley leaves her hockey team, her best friend, and her childhood home to move to this “strange city”. Anger, disgust, and fear begin to play a bigger role in Riley’s life, which you can imagine is filled with satirical humor. As joy frantically tries to keep sadness from ruining things they find themselves getting sucked away from headquarters, unable to get back. The movie does a great job creating a comical yet emotional story as the two struggle to find their way back leaving Riley in the hands of the other three.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie because not only is the humor outstanding, but the creativity of the every detail is incredibly thought out and very well done. The story has twists that leave the audience shedding a couple tears as it brings back memories of childhood. Inside out is a movie for all ages. The kids enjoy the humor and the animation, while the adults enjoy the satire and the trip down memory lane. Overall, I suggest that everyone should see this movie.